Today, I started crying

This is the first time I’ve posted anything since February. COVID hit, changed all of our lives, and I just couldn’t bring myself to talk here. I held my cards to my chest, steeled my core and kept a schedule for my kids to keep life for them as normal as possible.

I did tear up a few times but tried to keep it together. I needed to have it together so I could be their teacher everyday, their mom, their friend, their opponent at cards (which they seriously beat me at UNO all the time) and their buddy. With all of this, I had to block out the outside world. Anytime I would read the news, I was reminded how fortunate we’ve been that our family was healthy and safe. COVID has brought such devastation to so many lives and I can’t even truly grasp it’s horrible actions.

Tears.

My 7 year old have their last virtual meeting with their class. Their wonderful teacher put together a slide show that played Jason Mraz “Have it All” in the background and I cried. I cried because of the lyrics, because of the fact that my kids didn’t get to have class in school with their friends and their teachers. I cried that this virus has ROBBED so many of graduations, proms, final seasons of sports. I can’t imagine not having the last few months of my senior year be at school. Heartbreaking. I cried for those who have lost their lives, for families that have been torn apart. I cried for those who died without family around them, and for the families who haven’t been able to have a proper burial.

Healing.

All of this does not sit well with me. Now that I am letting myself feel, the tears come more freely. How do we pick up? Start over or start again? How do we heal? One day at a time. It’s hard to move past something that still has a firm grasp on our lives. I can only pray for the medical profession, the scientists, doctors nurses and all hospital staff. May they develop a vaccine, get the care THEY need and deserve.

I am thinking of everyone today. And hope, hope that healing is just around the corner.

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